college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
