How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize