Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
