Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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