I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
