Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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