Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
