I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
