From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
