His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize