The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You need Xanax blowdarts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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