i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
