I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
