I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
