I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize