Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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