:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
