I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize