all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
