Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
