Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
