Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
