I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
