I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
