we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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