Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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