i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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