dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
