Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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