my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
