I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
