He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
