careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
