Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
