im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have aggressive nipples.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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