I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
im on a boat
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