they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
