my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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