So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
