Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
