Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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