I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i've created a new STD.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
