the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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