just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize