How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The power of my boobs compel you
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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