so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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