when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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