so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
