Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
