I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
