flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
