Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
