Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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