he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
