girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
