I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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