you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
