Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
