My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
