Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
