absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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