apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
