You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we're making bets on your personal life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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