Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
