It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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